This Sunday we will celebrate Jonathan’s 9th birthday. It is so hard to believe it has been NINE YEARS! As we approach this time of year, I know Lawrence often dreads it and the kids actually look forward to it. They see it as a reason to celebrate with cupcakes and balloons! And I am so glad they see it as a happy day. That was always what I hoped for, from his first birthday until now. I didn’t want to have to be sad and depressed every year when I remembered him. Kids can dream and wonder. An art that we as grownups lose. They imagine what life would be like with a big brother. They like to talk about how he would be 9, so Michael would be 8 and then Abigail 6. I can only imagine that life would look very different for all of us, if Jonathan would have still been with us. I think about that when I see families with 3 kids. I can only imagine. . . . .
The other day Abigail asked me if Jonathan had dark skin or light skin. I asked her what she meant and she said light skin like me, or dark skin like my friend Cynthia? It is so fascinating that in her innocent little mind, her brother could have dark skin like her African-American classmate. Diversity is normal to my little girl, and I’m so proud of that. She likes people and things that are different from her, and I think that is a beautiful thing. While there are days that her being different drives me bananas, there are other moments like this that bring joy to my heart. And because Jonathan left us, it made space for Abigail in our life. She constantly helps me see life through a different lens.
Sunday we will celebrate and we will remember. Every year, I always hope to share the story of my son with at least one more person. I still truly believe that as I am able to share his story, his life lives on. As I am able to share the healing power that God did in my life, Jonathan’s life has purpose. And if I can offer hope to anyone else that is experiencing pain, that the pain does get easier to manage – not just because I have 2 beautiful kids – but because we have a God of comfort and love who wants to help us connect to each other as we lean into him. “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 He is with us always and to the end.
My Life Lessons 