I’ve entered a new season of my life, so it’s time to give my blog a new look to signify this important time.  For the last 3-4 years I have been itching to move back to Austin.  After we lost Jonathan, I wanted to move even more so.  But God was on a different timeline than I was.  He needed to heal my heart, and help me move on in life without my son.  And in the last 2 years, most of the pain that I never thought would go away has subsided.  Don’t get me wrong – I still miss my son.  But now my story is about both of my sons:  Jonathan Timothy, my little angel in heaven and Michael David, my beloved boy that follows me like a shadow.  I am a better person because of my children, and I hope they will continue to mold and shape me.

While I have lived in Austin, it is almost like starting life over again.  Most places I go people don’t know me, or my story.  I have been asked more times than ever before, if Michael is my only child.  What a challenge.  . . . what an opportunity. . . . to tell my story again and again.  Some people also ask if we want more children.  Not an easy question to answer without telling my whole story.

18 responses »

  1. This will help you heal. You need to be able to talk about the experience and your emotions, in a space that you feel safe. I am here to listen. This will also help others… you are a gift.

  2. I am so glad you decided to do this. May the words you weave together here be an encouragement to your own heart and bring others closer to Jesus.

  3. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I am so touched by your positive spirit and I will keep you in my prayers that you continue to heal. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  4. You are a strong person and I hope this helps you and your husband heal and remember the happy times. You are both in my thoughts.

  5. I continue to think of you and Larry often and lift you both up to God for comfort and healing. Thank you for sharing your story. Your strength and honesty is bringing Glory to God even in this dark time.

    let me know if I can do anything for you.

    much love,
    KT

  6. What a wonderful way to do your healing. Time will heal but your baby will always be in your mind. A loss as profound as this is hard to understand. Faith and Grace will bring love and understanding.

    Thanks for sharing.

  7. This is a wonderful idea; a place for you to share and heal, and a place to help others. You clearly possess a strong faith, and it will help you as you continue your journey. May God bless JT as They both watch over you!

  8. Thank you for inviting us to read your story. What a great idea. We pray that with each day you both gain more strength and wisdom from God. We especially pray for you both during this holiday season. It will not be easy, but God has promised us he is always with us. It was great to see you have the Christmas tree up and that you are trying to move on and live life abundantly as God has asked us to do. Thanks for sharing.

  9. What a blessing you have been in our lives! We continue to lift both of you up in prayer especially in this new year! I made the mistake after Daren was murdered in trying to fill all the empty minutes of my time so I wouldn’t think about what had happened….that doesn’t work!! Through the years I’ve found that the Lord fills my time (when I let Him!) I’m continuing to grow in my walk with Him. He is soooo Gooood! Blessed Be His Name!

  10. Renee,
    I always read your blog and want to write you something, however I will confess that you always makes me speechless. I am amazed by your strength and faith in the Lord. Know that Doug and I think of you both and pray for you.
    Claudiana

    “You have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7

  11. Dear Renee and family:

    Congratulations on your new son. You and your husband deserve this happiness. You are amazing and giving individuals. I am so glad to know you through the YMCA network.
    Wishing you the best for the holidays and a healthy and happy new year.
    Connie Laidlaw

  12. Renee and Larry
    For several weeks I have been asking at the Y if anyone knew when the baby was born and how you were doing. Yesterday I spoke to Tiffany and she gave me the link to your blog.
    What an amazing amount of gifts you have been given, your love for each other and JT and now Michael, and your faith. I know that there have been a lot of fears and tests in the process but knowing that you were trusting that there was a reason for all of that made it somewhat easier.
    The way that you are willing to share your story, will bring strength and love to a lot of folks, bless you for it.
    As you have time with your precious little boy in this Christmas week, know that you have touched my life with a peace, joy and love that I will share with others.
    Have a wonderful holiday

  13. Renee, You surely know that God is still giving me opportunities to share Daren’s story! I’ve met at least one person on each of our trips that I’ve been able to share how good God has been to us during the “hard times” and the good times. He has both our sons close to Him. PTL!
    I have so enjoyed your blog and especially the pictures you’ve put on it. We are thrilled that you are homeowners now. Life is GOOD!! Your Old Friend in California…

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